Saturday, September 22, 2012

About Kirk.

Yesterday we received the full autopsy and toxicology report of Kirk's death. After the autopsy, we only knew that Kirk had some "heart changes" and that we were awaiting 4-6 weeks for the toxicology report to know the full story. Stories had surfaced that 911 was called about a "very drunk" person at the bar.

These reports were false. And frustrating.

Whereas Kirk was definitely losing consciousness in the bar, it was not due to alcohol (thanks for the inaccurate account, Sports Illustrated.) His BAC wasn't that high. It wasn't due to drugs either, unless you count tylenol, which he possibly took earlier in the day because he didn't feel so hot.

Kirk died due to a congenital heart defect called arrthymogenic right ventricular cardiomyopathy. He had a diseased heart. He had no idea.

Chase and I have heard accounts from friends that he wasn't feeling well earlier that day. This would make sense with the pathophysiology of this disease process. His heart was probably in and out of arrhythmias because his heart (namely his right ventricle) was on it's last string, and his cardiac output was low, so he wasn't getting as much oxygen to his vitals organs.

It's hard that no one called 911 until he was in full arrest. And it's probably because the bar employee that dragged him out assumed he was just drunk. But even if he was that drunk, 911 still should have been called immediately. We struggle with that fact. And I know his parents do too. We all like to think that if we had been there, the outcome would have been different.

But we weren't. And it wasn't.

We are thankful for the closure in knowing how Kirk died. We know it was natural. We are thankful that it was organic and not from one bad decision.

We have peace knowing that the Lord ordained all his days. But it still hurts. We still think about the "what ifs" and "how comes." And we still miss that handsome smile. With God's grace, slowly we will stop thinking about the "what ifs" and the "how comes."

But I think we will always miss that handsome smile:)



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