Sometimes all it takes is a sunset, you know, to spark a memory.
Something to remind me of our "old home." Arizona. Phoenix, well, Scottsdale specifically. Where we embarked on the adventure of our marriage. Where we became family. The first place we called home.
Arizona is infamous for the most timeless and wonderful sunsets. I have pictures of several...but the one that sticks out the most, in my memory, was the last one I ever saw. June 29th 2012...as we were leaving Arizona, on our way to California. Who knows if we'll ever return.
Did I tell you I hated Arizona when I first arrived? My first memory of Phoenix was driving down the 17 in our unconditioned Budget truck. It was miserable as we went from temperament Flagstaff to sweltering Phoenix. I hated all the brown. Dead desert. Ugly. I yearned so deeply for the lush green that was Indiana. My home for all my life.
Funny how I came to love Arizona so dearly. Maybe because it was my first "home" outside of Indiana. It was a life Chase and I had created for ourselves, and we were self-sustainable (barely, in the beginning.) It's where we learned to leave and cleave to one another, where we learned to grow together. It's almost like we grew into adults together. I watched Chase grow from a college student to a husband who took command of the bills and made decisions worthy of any seasoned adult.
It's funny how a new foreign city can become your home. I'll remind myself of that if I ever get a little blue out in California.
Home is wherever Chase is :)
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
About Kirk.
Yesterday we received the full autopsy and toxicology report of Kirk's death. After the autopsy, we only knew that Kirk had some "heart changes" and that we were awaiting 4-6 weeks for the toxicology report to know the full story. Stories had surfaced that 911 was called about a "very drunk" person at the bar.
These reports were false. And frustrating.
Whereas Kirk was definitely losing consciousness in the bar, it was not due to alcohol (thanks for the inaccurate account, Sports Illustrated.) His BAC wasn't that high. It wasn't due to drugs either, unless you count tylenol, which he possibly took earlier in the day because he didn't feel so hot.
Kirk died due to a congenital heart defect called arrthymogenic right ventricular cardiomyopathy. He had a diseased heart. He had no idea.
Chase and I have heard accounts from friends that he wasn't feeling well earlier that day. This would make sense with the pathophysiology of this disease process. His heart was probably in and out of arrhythmias because his heart (namely his right ventricle) was on it's last string, and his cardiac output was low, so he wasn't getting as much oxygen to his vitals organs.
It's hard that no one called 911 until he was in full arrest. And it's probably because the bar employee that dragged him out assumed he was just drunk. But even if he was that drunk, 911 still should have been called immediately. We struggle with that fact. And I know his parents do too. We all like to think that if we had been there, the outcome would have been different.
But we weren't. And it wasn't.
We are thankful for the closure in knowing how Kirk died. We know it was natural. We are thankful that it was organic and not from one bad decision.
We have peace knowing that the Lord ordained all his days. But it still hurts. We still think about the "what ifs" and "how comes." And we still miss that handsome smile. With God's grace, slowly we will stop thinking about the "what ifs" and the "how comes."
But I think we will always miss that handsome smile:)
These reports were false. And frustrating.
Whereas Kirk was definitely losing consciousness in the bar, it was not due to alcohol (thanks for the inaccurate account, Sports Illustrated.) His BAC wasn't that high. It wasn't due to drugs either, unless you count tylenol, which he possibly took earlier in the day because he didn't feel so hot.
Kirk died due to a congenital heart defect called arrthymogenic right ventricular cardiomyopathy. He had a diseased heart. He had no idea.
Chase and I have heard accounts from friends that he wasn't feeling well earlier that day. This would make sense with the pathophysiology of this disease process. His heart was probably in and out of arrhythmias because his heart (namely his right ventricle) was on it's last string, and his cardiac output was low, so he wasn't getting as much oxygen to his vitals organs.
It's hard that no one called 911 until he was in full arrest. And it's probably because the bar employee that dragged him out assumed he was just drunk. But even if he was that drunk, 911 still should have been called immediately. We struggle with that fact. And I know his parents do too. We all like to think that if we had been there, the outcome would have been different.
But we weren't. And it wasn't.
We are thankful for the closure in knowing how Kirk died. We know it was natural. We are thankful that it was organic and not from one bad decision.
We have peace knowing that the Lord ordained all his days. But it still hurts. We still think about the "what ifs" and "how comes." And we still miss that handsome smile. With God's grace, slowly we will stop thinking about the "what ifs" and the "how comes."
But I think we will always miss that handsome smile:)
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Little update on the Macs
As we are still adjusting to life in California, I just wanted to give a little update!
I have started a travel nursing position with Stanford on the Neurosurgery Unit, which means I have a 3 month contract with them. I'm pretty pumped to be able to get in at Stanford to see what it's all about without making a long term commitment yet. So far (just two days of orientation), I am in love! I think my unit is going to be fun and challenging. It is a higher acuity neurosurgery floor that includes a six bed progressive care unit. My first day on the floor is this Tuesday. Let the good times roll!
Chase and I have found a home church called Garden City Church. The pastor, Justin, just concluded a six week sermon series through the book of Jonah. It was life-changing stuff. Just absolutely unreal. Really encouraged us to take a good hard look at ourselves and our mission. We found a neighborhood group through this church and we meet with them every Tuesday. Great people, really honest, and we get to share a lot of laughs (and some tears.)
Chase continues to get a lot of great feedback from the guys who work for him. We are so grateful for their favor towards Chase. He works his butt off at work and tries to maintain a joyful attitude, which, as we ALL know, this can be super difficult with any job. He really loves his guys.
We continue to grieve Kirk's death. We think about him and his family every day. Several times a day. Our hearts ache for their loss, and for the heavy burden they carry, and for the intense loneliness we know they feel. We pray for their comfort and peace. We acknowledge that they will never get over the loss of their son, but with God's grace and provision, they will get through one day at a time. Please lift them up in prayer with us. Their names are Michael, Sandy, and his brother Kyle.
I have started a travel nursing position with Stanford on the Neurosurgery Unit, which means I have a 3 month contract with them. I'm pretty pumped to be able to get in at Stanford to see what it's all about without making a long term commitment yet. So far (just two days of orientation), I am in love! I think my unit is going to be fun and challenging. It is a higher acuity neurosurgery floor that includes a six bed progressive care unit. My first day on the floor is this Tuesday. Let the good times roll!
Chase and I have found a home church called Garden City Church. The pastor, Justin, just concluded a six week sermon series through the book of Jonah. It was life-changing stuff. Just absolutely unreal. Really encouraged us to take a good hard look at ourselves and our mission. We found a neighborhood group through this church and we meet with them every Tuesday. Great people, really honest, and we get to share a lot of laughs (and some tears.)
Chase continues to get a lot of great feedback from the guys who work for him. We are so grateful for their favor towards Chase. He works his butt off at work and tries to maintain a joyful attitude, which, as we ALL know, this can be super difficult with any job. He really loves his guys.
We continue to grieve Kirk's death. We think about him and his family every day. Several times a day. Our hearts ache for their loss, and for the heavy burden they carry, and for the intense loneliness we know they feel. We pray for their comfort and peace. We acknowledge that they will never get over the loss of their son, but with God's grace and provision, they will get through one day at a time. Please lift them up in prayer with us. Their names are Michael, Sandy, and his brother Kyle.
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